Welcome to My Sail Boat
I envision myself pushing off from a wooden dock in a one-person sail boat. I lift the sail within seconds. Flapping wildly, it waits for the wind to grab hold. I turn the rudder, oh so gently and there it is. A loud whoosh as the sail captures the wind. Now all full of its self and bursting to be free – I’m off!
The weather is perfect, the sun in my face, I head out to sea. Gazing into the horizon, I wonder where the wind will take me and who will I encounter? Then anxiety overtakes me. You see, I am not used to sailing alone. In fact, I am not used to doing much of anything alone.
Kathy and I shared the same womb, were born minutes apart, slept in the same crib, and grew up as if we were one. Inseparable – not even going to bed without the other, I never knew aloneness. Together we swung on our backyard swing, romped in our woods, swam in our river and built snowmen in the winter. We knew no sorrow; we dwelt in bliss. Like Don William’s lyrics from “I’m Just a Country Boy.” We had, “…. silver in the stars. And gold in the mornin’ sun.” And then, one morning, the sun did not rise. And the gold turned to dust.
I will return to the story of my journey in future posts. Suffice it to say that I’m with my sixth friend now. If you have read Nine Friends– you will know her name. Her friendship is a milestone in my process of grief. Without her, I could not have launched my little boat, which is my website. Nor would I have started this blog.
For those of you just beginning your journey of grief – your sixth friend is a long time coming. There is no short cut, no alternative path, no bypassing– or, finding some back door or hidden passage. The simple reality is that until the first five friends have come and gone it will be impossible for your sixth friend to find you.
I wish it was not so, but there is just no way that any of us can prepare for the first four friends. They are beyond horrible. I am so sorry that we have to deal with them at all. But we do. Even after they stop living with us, they will hang around on our porches, no doubt, forever! The somewhat good news is that you will get used to them – for after a while they are no longer horrible. In fact, as time passes you will view them as they truly are; faithful friends that support us through this life journey. No longer scary, we now know they are essential to the healing process. Indeed, you may even find yourself inviting them back in from time to time—but not to stay long.
Now, the good news! The sixth friend is worth suffering the others for. To understand how this all works… is why I wrote Nine Friends and why I started this blog. It is why I am here.
Whatever life’s sadness has brought you, it is my hope you will find the support you need while we all wait for the blessed arrival of our ninth friend.
So, again, welcome to the site! Please tell me why you are here. What has happened to you that brought you to Nine Friends?